Stages... Maybe

there're many stages in life...

at one pt we're all worrying about which secondary school we could get in.... whether we should study science or "liberal arts"... getting into college, dating, graduation, first job, promotion/frustration/uncertain career path ahead...

last yr I felt like I'm "stepping" into the stage which friends/ppl around me getting marry..... all very positively....

but lately I feel like that "positive stage" has phased out - and getting into a stage which friends around are losing their loved ones - their grandma. First was Clem, then my own self... and this wk - 2 more friends...

Maybe we've really "grown up" and not consumed by the emotion as much anymore!? I always had a silly thought when grandma was around - as she's so close to me - and IF one day she's gone I'd felt terrible...

but in reality I was clam - so clam to the level that I was kinda "scared" of myself - and began to wonder starting from when I become such an emotionless person, even to my dear grandma?

It's "weird" that on the flight back from Portland I still feel touched like the first time when I watched Edward Scissorhands; I still feel so attached when I'm listening to Forrest Gump's soundtrack now - all the emotions just come back like when I first watched/listened to it - but then, when it comes to our LOVED ONE - how come we are so "clam"?

maybe b/c we know there'll be a lot of arrangements needed to take care...

maybe b/c we're too busy to think over the whole thing quietly (or we just don't want to stop and REALLY think about it quietly?)

maybe b/c we know we have to be "strong" and give support to the rest of the family and couldn't afford to let each other down...

maybe b/c we know we've to carry on no matter what...

maybe b/c we know they'll always in our heart - just as if they're alive.

maybe b/c we've really grown up...

maybe... maybe I just think too much... as you always said.

maybe I just think of you too much...

*I'm so tired of this game*

so tired of staying awake at this hour

so tired of waking up and turning off my alarm clock before it alarms...

tired of guessing what's in your mind...

tired of wondering if you still CARE,,,