Stages... Maybe

there're many stages in life...

at one pt we're all worrying about which secondary school we could get in.... whether we should study science or "liberal arts"... getting into college, dating, graduation, first job, promotion/frustration/uncertain career path ahead...

last yr I felt like I'm "stepping" into the stage which friends/ppl around me getting marry..... all very positively....

but lately I feel like that "positive stage" has phased out - and getting into a stage which friends around are losing their loved ones - their grandma. First was Clem, then my own self... and this wk - 2 more friends...

Maybe we've really "grown up" and not consumed by the emotion as much anymore!? I always had a silly thought when grandma was around - as she's so close to me - and IF one day she's gone I'd felt terrible...

but in reality I was clam - so clam to the level that I was kinda "scared" of myself - and began to wonder starting from when I become such an emotionless person, even to my dear grandma?

It's "weird" that on the flight back from Portland I still feel touched like the first time when I watched Edward Scissorhands; I still feel so attached when I'm listening to Forrest Gump's soundtrack now - all the emotions just come back like when I first watched/listened to it - but then, when it comes to our LOVED ONE - how come we are so "clam"?

maybe b/c we know there'll be a lot of arrangements needed to take care...

maybe b/c we're too busy to think over the whole thing quietly (or we just don't want to stop and REALLY think about it quietly?)

maybe b/c we know we have to be "strong" and give support to the rest of the family and couldn't afford to let each other down...

maybe b/c we know we've to carry on no matter what...

maybe b/c we know they'll always in our heart - just as if they're alive.

maybe b/c we've really grown up...

maybe... maybe I just think too much... as you always said.

maybe I just think of you too much...

*I'm so tired of this game*

so tired of staying awake at this hour

so tired of waking up and turning off my alarm clock before it alarms...

tired of guessing what's in your mind...

tired of wondering if you still CARE,,,

How come...

1. Sleepless in Hong Kong (seattle still sounds better)
2. Head just wanna explode (felt asleep on the couch)
3. Bank said I'm turning in 2 fake US notes (i got it from them??)
4. Typhoon is NOT coming at all (no free holiday)
5. People just can't SPEAK UP and just plain dump (when online on ICQ)
6. People are NOT showing up for 2nd interview (50% is not coming!?)
7. Supplier is shouting at me for cancelling a USD350,000 order (my customer cancelled on me AFTER confirmation!)
8. I feel like vomitting...

i think i just complain too much...

Phone Marathon..

So had a phone marathon during the long wkend - my gosh, I can't believe I can actually talk THAT long these days!!! XD haha, I can't remember when/whom I had such a "phone marathon" last time... hmm... maybe... with Ken?

geez, if that's really the case it was a LONG LONG LONG TIME AGO...

anyhow... sure it's a small world afterall - we never cross each other's life before (even though we call each other "ex-colleague" but then we never stay in the same company during the same time) - and then after we talked and talked - just realize once again what a small world it's - a "miracle", or fate (in Chinese they said it's "yuen") for them to know each other at the first place - and I guess it's also fate to "link" us all together, well, in some sense.

I didn't realize until after the phone marathron that I might have put someone in a difficult situation - and I was blaming the whole situation all along - which I'm so regret now as I should have been more considerate... I thought I know him so well but I guess afterall I don't....

just hope times will heal the wound..

Anyway, grateful to know someone (AT TODAY'S AGE) whom can just talk about ANYTHING ("Sky South Earth North")... ha, maybe it's just easy for Scropio + Gemini to get along??

*er...

WAKAKAKKAKAKAKAKAKAAKAKAKA

Rearranging Bookshelf...

so got to a point that i can no long stand my messy bookshelf (okay, my whole room is actually in a mess) - yet since all books i got during Book exhibition still lying in the bag (yeah, back in JULY!!!) AND that i got a couple books during the trip - so, time to REARRANGE!!

Here's a view for the bookshelf:


5th floor resident - new resident since June - Bucky Badger!


3rd floor resident - just moved in - Benjamin XD


6th & 7th floor residents :)


Almost forget how "fun" it's to spend an evening w/ the bookshelf! hahahahahahahaha Only thing is that i don't have much room for "expansion"... *have already gave up some of the books i've read - and decide not to keep anymore*... hmm.........

Updated Side Bar....

Hey, check out some of the new links I've added on the side bar~~ :)

Phone Bill...

So finally today i got the phone bill - the one i used while on the trip...

my gosh, even more expensive than my "luxury" purse @_@;;;

well, most the bills b/c i've to call home & chk w/ mom if she's doing alright after grandma's gone........

but then, 1/5 of it - SMS - to be specific - international roaming SMS (and 25% is with the SAME AREA CODE).... @_@;;

sigh, made me feel sad again... thought i got over 打孿孔雀石綠 by covering my ears - but probably not enough (or simply didn't cover ALL THE WAY)

X_X''

心痛... really..........

Today is the day...

I got my 1st (if not the ONLY) "luxury" purse - i've to use this like 20 yrs in order to balance out the average cost (to compare w/ the last i've)
hahahhahahaa

Window Shopper I'm...

Got this okcupid test from Mag earlier - was kinda tired by the time i got this but i mean - after all she just being nice and wanna cheer me up! thanks bud! :D and i mean i don't think the result is ALL True - just partly (or i myself isn't true w/ all answer?!)... hmm.. ANHYHOW, it was a fun test *but then i think again and wonder - no GUYS really take Psy test seriously - ESPECIALLY a LONG one - so, how true is it of THEIR result!?*

XDDD

anyway, although it's long but sure it's a fun Psy test - questions & results are... let's put it this way - interesting XD

Here's my result:

===
Your results are in!

Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

BEWARE: The Hornivore

CONSIDER: The Gentleman, The Loverboy

Your exact opposite:
The Stiletto
Deliberate Brutal Sex Master
===

So Window Shopper I'm... where's my Gentlemen/The Loverboy!? XDDDDDDD

*well, gentelmen/loverboy i don't find.... trapped w/ a Slow Dancer... darn it!*

More Definition at OKCUPID Glossary

Today is the day of Grandma's funeral...

The news came a long time back - when i was still in Detroit (8/22).... hmm.. i guess all i can say is during this time the emotion got kinda buried down - tried to run away as i know how difficult it is for grandma to leave...

Actually i think i did better than i thought for the whole thing today... most of the time i can hold the tears back - i mean, grandma looks very "peaceful"... and her pict is so pretty - i can always remember her warm smile - and for some reason i always remember her bringing lunch for me one day when i was in P.1 - still living in Stanley then - and that she bought lunch for me - but i simply forgot about that and actually went home and had lunch...

sorry, grandma, i never said i'm sorry to stood you up....

I always remember she made the best "9 choi" dumplings, always remember she made the best "fa kei sum + chicken" soup, best "kuo low yuk"... always remember she made dresses for us, knit sweaters for us (and did my knitting / sewing homework for me), and her "red pocket" during Dragon Boat & Mid-Autumn Fest for "chung" & "lantern"....

I know she'll come back to visit me, w/ grandpa, soon, real soon....

I sure miss her a lot...

Ways to kill oneself....

Was checking some of the very old emails - found this i sent out about 2 yrs ago... WOW, eye opening (totally forget about what i've sent b4!)

I've to stop "killing myself".....

===
The Key for Dying early - by ah "dan":

1. Skip breakfast - skipping breakfast can hurt stomach easily, which make one feel tired easily, and increase the chances of kidney stone, speed on the process of aging

2. Jogging w/ empty stomach - this will increase the load of your heart & kidney

3. Use boiling water to prepare tea - this will actually destroy the vitamin C in the tea - best temp to prepare tea is 70-80 deg C

4. Don't brush your teeth before bed - this will increase the chance of getting a cold /
pneumonia / lung disease, it can also increase the chance of teeth related disease (and loss your teeth eventually)

5. Don't clean your face before bed - clog your skin which harm skin's health.

6. Use colored chopsticks - some chemicals in their which will cause cancer (shame on me, i've NO IDEA what type of chemicals it had mentioned in the article - Chinese name)

7. "Drink" vinegar when you got fish bone in your throat - this is a Chinese traditional way to "solve' the problem, yet this way cannot only "dissolve" the fish bone, instead it will burn the inner liner of the throat (and cause "shui chung")

8. Use a plastic table cloth

9. Drink strong tea after drunk

May I add pt 10 - not sleeping right & not eating right??

P.S. My English is REALLY BAD - can hardly translate 50% of the article! >.<

lost!

i changed my layout & lost all the links on the right panel!!! >.<

Misunderstanding...

一場誤會 ~Janice

是我敏感誤會戀愛降臨
從未發生 交不出初吻
從來沒有 情人會行近 日落黃昏
誤會你有心 日夜苦惱自尋
想得近 卻遠得過份
無聊像我 無聊當緣份 亦是吸引

Disneyland Hong Kong

Had a great time....

it was kinda hot... but nice that not too many ppl in the park - no long lines!

AND ran into Peter Yip & his girl - ha, seldom talk to him these days - even though we're both in HK now... well, really "yuen" I guess...

Glad to have this opportunity during this time to lighten life a bit........

Quote of the day~~

"There's No Problem in current situation, No Expectation, No problem, Life go on as before..."

~by 打孿孔雀石綠/打九搶

Jet Lag vs. Insomnia

So, I felt asleep at around midnite... and got up at four AGAIN... now I begin to wonder - is it really Jet Lag - or plainly another cycle of insomnia???

sigh... sometimes I don't wanna be "awake" - heart just felt so sore & tired whenever i'm awake - think of this and that... (well, I still haven't really "unpack" my stuffs - yet I don't have no mood for that...)

probably as you always said, I think too much...

then, tell me how to "not think too much"... I want to know how exactly to NOT THINKING about certain thing at all - typical Scorpio, either black or white - no grey or in between. I don't like that.

typical Scorpio I am, once target is there will work for it - regardless of the final turn out - I think I need to set another target such that my energy can be focus again - well, at least one of the good things, I guess, is that I got a raise from work!! let's focus on that, something that i can have a better / easier control....

and one more day to work and I'll go to HK Disney... I think that should do the trick & help forget all about something not necessary to remember in the last 2 wks...

an old signature quote from my hotmail acct:

"The feeling of love starts from the eye and the feeling of like starts from the ear. Therefore if you want to stop liking a person you used to like, all you need to do is cover your ears. If you try to close your eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever after. "

Definately closing my eyes now (or, just simply covering my ears??)...

05:50 - well, probably I shall try to get another 1.5 hrs of sleep before heading to work...

feelings at the moment....

我真的受傷了 (國語)

歌手：王菀之 作曲：王菀之
填詞：王菀之 編曲：伍仲衡

燈光也暗了　音樂低聲了
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外陰天了　人是無聊了
我的心開始想你了

＊電話響起了　你要說話了　
還以為你心裡對我又想念了　
怎麼你聲音變得冷淡了　
是你變了　是你變了　

燈光熄滅了　音樂靜止了　滴下的眼淚已停不住了　
天下起雨了　人是不快樂　我的心真的受傷了＊

REPEAT＊

我的心真的受傷了

Post Vacation Symdrome

so i'm back, well, for a couple of days already.

feeling terrible... absolutely HATE to fly for anything more than 8 hrs (it took me ELEVEN PLUS to fly from Tokyo to Detroit - i SWEAR i won't go to East coast no more!)... missing grandma so much (she past away when i was in Detroit - Aug 22 US 7+am)... body clock is totally messed up (that includes sleeping time, meal time, WAKE up time)... BIG eye bags (lack of sleep)... lack of couragement to write blog (although flooded w/ different thoughts)... missing the beach (although i won't set my foot on those in HK).... worst experience from Cheesecake factory... love sick (being totally stupid & upset abt this)... missing maggiano's tiramisu... feeling soooo old (seeing other's kids)... super addicted to microwavable macaronni & chesse (want some EXTRA pounds! my gosh!!)... AND GRANDE LATTE every morning (wanna get broke to do the same in HK?!)... computer broke down (for whatever the reason)... don't wanna come to work (yes, i'm at work NOW), super slow at replying work's emails (w/ low/no efficiency)... (oh, and not to mention, WHY in the world NO ONE is tracking the shipment arrival date in the WHOLE COMPANY?!?!?!?!?!)

i think i really have to think twice next time for taking such a marathon vacation. probably it'll be a good idea to take anything LESS than 7 days? or is it the destination/ppl that matters?

acutally all of the above can be "happy" if you see it from the other side.. but then just feel as dark as the cloud outside....