Had finished the first 2 days of this long holiday... gosh, I felt sooo lazy - REALLY DID NOTHING other than staying home DOING NOTHING... tomorrow I'm going to start doing SOMETHING - AT LEAST SOMETHING - maybe start to check & clear some work's emails? (gosh, so pathetic that my life has nothing other than work!) >.<
Was talking to Vince earlier about feeling old after working a few year - actually I was telling him not to b/c
- he's YOUNGER than me and
- we ain't really THAT OLD, afterall we've only been graduated for a few years.
But actually I DO feel old - it has been FIVE YRS since I left Purdue. my, that's A LONG time ago - doesn't feel THAT LONG. From time to time I wondered what I've done / achieved in these few years - sad fact is that I don't feel much "have been achieved"... I don't feel so much difference than when I first graduate - oh, probably the only difference is that I lost that passion, the dedication... a symbol of getting old?! I don't know... I don't know how to get engaged in work anymore... (I only stayed in this job for a yr!) Changing job obviously isn't the answer...
I remember when I started my first job I told myself I'll give myself "5 yrs" to "observe" and decide what I want to do for my life, for my career, and so on... and now "time is up" - but what do I want out of myself/my life!? I feel I'm at the same "starting point" as I were 5 yrs ago... Maybe is that I didn't really STOP and THINK carefully. I just go along with everyday time-consuming "busy" life - busy w/ daily work but not constructive.
I got an email from Ana Paula - whom I met in high school. We haven't talked for YEARS so you can imagine there's so much to catch up with. She now became of what she'd decided - I still remember the first year I know her in Boise she said that she want to be a lawyer when she grows up - and here she is now, she is a PROSECUTOR in Brazil. WOW... proud of her - but then who am I? I ain't a Chemical Engineer - not even in my entire life. Gosh, I feel depress about it. Of course I can't go back for now - and what can I do? Whatever I'm doing now doesn't require whatever school taught me... actually I feel shame to let others know that I was studying ChemE when I was back in college...
:(
And she's also telling me she's getting marry in April... WOW, just get to the stage more and more people I know are getting marry - 4 pairs this year already!
I remember when I started my first job I told myself I'll give myself "5 yrs" to "observe" and decide what I want to do for my life, for my career, and so on... and now "time is up" - but what do I want out of myself/my life!? I feel I'm at the same "starting point" as I were 5 yrs ago... Maybe is that I didn't really STOP and THINK carefully. I just go along with everyday time-consuming "busy" life - busy w/ daily work but not constructive.
I got an email from Ana Paula - whom I met in high school. We haven't talked for YEARS so you can imagine there's so much to catch up with. She now became of what she'd decided - I still remember the first year I know her in Boise she said that she want to be a lawyer when she grows up - and here she is now, she is a PROSECUTOR in Brazil. WOW... proud of her - but then who am I? I ain't a Chemical Engineer - not even in my entire life. Gosh, I feel depress about it. Of course I can't go back for now - and what can I do? Whatever I'm doing now doesn't require whatever school taught me... actually I feel shame to let others know that I was studying ChemE when I was back in college...
:(
And she's also telling me she's getting marry in April... WOW, just get to the stage more and more people I know are getting marry - 4 pairs this year already!
I guess this is another sign of one getting old? Well, probably I should be glad that at least I'm still in the "people around getting marry" stage - not yet to a stage that I'm so OLD that I'm in the stage of going to other's funeral....
Getting Old getting old... we're all getting old daily~~~
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